(from the USSD Facebook page)
Often, conflict arises not in a self-defense situation, but in the small moments of everyday life. Whether with strangers or those closest to us, we can benefit from learning tactics that de-escalate conflict, rather than exacerbate it. Below are some simple methods to employ when coming into a conflicting situation with a partner, friend, customer and so on.
Empathize
Most often, when someone is upset, they are first and foremost looking for anyone to understand their frustration. Often, we may try to eliminate the issue, but lack empathy for the conflict. In this case, it may surprise us that our efforts meet a proverbial wall. Whether you’re resolving conflict for a client or someone close to you, it’s crucial to first make them feel heard and understood. A simple method for this is to repeat their issue back to them in an understanding tone, avoiding the tendency to try and solve their problem immediately.
Apologize
If the conflict is directed towards us, it is important that we approach the issue with humility. Often, whether we instigated the conflict or not, the other person might be looking for a simple apology. If we let ego get in the way, we may wish to do anything but apologize. If we apologize, we express that we understand their frustration, and admit guilt for the likelihood we may have caused it. Remember, the goal is not to win, but to de-escalate.
Pivot
Once we’ve established empathy and understanding, we can pivot to a positive alternative. Using collective terms, such as ‘We and Us’ will be welcomed far more than ‘You’. Rather than ‘You should do this’, we can use phrases such as ‘How about we…’ and so on. Make the person feel that you are on their team. Sometimes, in our effort to ‘win’ a conflict, we create a larger problem than we started with.
Often, conflict arises not in a self-defense situation, but in the small moments of everyday life. Whether with strangers or those closest to us, we can benefit from learning tactics that de-escalate conflict, rather than exacerbate it. Below are some simple methods to employ when coming into a conflicting situation with a partner, friend, customer and so on.
Empathize
Most often, when someone is upset, they are first and foremost looking for anyone to understand their frustration. Often, we may try to eliminate the issue, but lack empathy for the conflict. In this case, it may surprise us that our efforts meet a proverbial wall. Whether you’re resolving conflict for a client or someone close to you, it’s crucial to first make them feel heard and understood. A simple method for this is to repeat their issue back to them in an understanding tone, avoiding the tendency to try and solve their problem immediately.
Apologize
If the conflict is directed towards us, it is important that we approach the issue with humility. Often, whether we instigated the conflict or not, the other person might be looking for a simple apology. If we let ego get in the way, we may wish to do anything but apologize. If we apologize, we express that we understand their frustration, and admit guilt for the likelihood we may have caused it. Remember, the goal is not to win, but to de-escalate.
Pivot
Once we’ve established empathy and understanding, we can pivot to a positive alternative. Using collective terms, such as ‘We and Us’ will be welcomed far more than ‘You’. Rather than ‘You should do this’, we can use phrases such as ‘How about we…’ and so on. Make the person feel that you are on their team. Sometimes, in our effort to ‘win’ a conflict, we create a larger problem than we started with.
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